Maybe you've tried meditating before and, like me, given up after a few days. You struggle to set aside even a few minutes, and before you know it, the good intention fades, along with your hope for progress.
And yet, the benefits of meditation are profound, now widely recognized by science.
But before we dive into that, let’s take a moment to understand what actually happens when you meditate.
Two key phenomena occur:
>> Change of state
When you meditate, you shift from the analytical, conscious mind to the deeper realm of the subconscious, the space where your habits, behaviors, and lingering thoughts reside, including those about the person who is now your ex-boyfriend. Meditation’s true purpose is to reprogram the subconscious, clearing away the negative thoughts that seep into your conscious mind. But this transformation can only happen when you reach a specific state. In just a moment, I’ll explain how.
>> Neuroplasticity
When you meditate, your brain undergoes real change. Yes, we are shaped by our genetics, environment, and culture, but scientific research in neuroplasticity has shown that any form of sustained practice can physically reshape the brain. Your brain is malleable, constantly adapting to new experiences. It has the ability to reinforce certain thought patterns while overriding others. Every day, new neurons and neural connections are formed, and meditation is one of the most powerful ways to influence this process.
The two phenomena obviously work together.
You can practice meditation in several ways:
- By being fully present, focusing on the moment without judgment.
- By emptying your mind, letting thoughts fade away, much like Zen Buddhist practitioners.
- Through guided meditations, like the ones I offer in the app.
- And in a less common way, an approach where you consciously choose change. This method unfolds in three steps and is inspired by a book that a deeply spiritual friend recommended to me years ago. 1
- Unlearning: In Tibetan, the word for meditation means “becoming familiar with.” The first step is to become fully aware of the subconscious patterns that shape your current self—the old identity you wish to shed, the unconscious programs that dictate your thoughts and reactions. By observing this old version of yourself regularly, you begin to detach from it. You recognize it as something separate from you, and in doing so, you weaken its hold.
- Deciding not to be unhappy anymore: This is the moment you sever the neurological ties to your past self. It means consciously interrupting the patterns that no longer serve you. In essence, you are rewiring your brain, cutting off the circuits that reinforce your old identity. Thanks to neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to change—you can override outdated mental habits and replace them with new ones.
- Seeing yourself happy again: This is where transformation truly begins. You craft a new identity, a new way of thinking, and immerse yourself in the experience of becoming this new self—even if it feels unfamiliar at first. Through deep contemplation, you step into this future version of yourself, allowing it to take shape in your mind and body. With daily repetition, this "ideal self" becomes more than just an idea; it becomes second nature. Your intention transforms into a feeling, a state of calm, even joy. And because your brain now sends signals aligned with this new self, your body begins to respond as if the change is already real. This is how true transformation begins—when your desire to change turns into a lived experience.
A second Sanskrit translation of meditation is “cultivating the self.” This definition perfectly mirrors the three steps I just described. Think of nature: before new seeds can take root, the soil must be plowed and enriched. Weeds and stones—obstacles to growth—must be removed to create the best conditions for new life to flourish. Only through this deliberate, conscious effort can the harvest be abundant. I’ll leave you to reflect for a moment on the obvious parallel with meditation.
Now,
Why is it necessary to do this work in a meditative state? Because, as I’ve already mentioned, true change happens at the level of the subconscious mind—the place where our deepest patterns, habits, and emotions reside. Meditation is the key that grants us access to this hidden layer of ourselves, allowing us to rewire it from within. Could you achieve the same transformation without meditation? Perhaps. But how long would it take? How many years of trial and error, of conscious effort, of battling against ingrained patterns? Meditation is a happiness accelerator. It bypasses the slow, surface-level approach and takes you directly to the source of change.
See, the connection is clear:
- The analytical (conscious) mind operates in Beta brainwaves—a state of heightened alertness, problem-solving, and critical thinking. This is where we spend most of our waking hours, caught in cycles of analysis, stress, and overthinking.
- The subconscious mind functions in Alpha and Theta brainwaves—states associated with deep relaxation, creativity, and heightened suggestibility. This is where real change happens, where new beliefs take root, and where we can reprogram our inner world.
Meditation is the bridge that shifts us from Beta to Alpha and Theta, unlocking the subconscious and allowing transformation to take place.
The sense of calm you experience during meditation is the result of your brain shifting from beta to alpha and theta waves. As I mentioned earlier, this marks the transition from the conscious, analytical mind to the subconscious, the place where unwanted habits, emotions, and deeply ingrained neural patterns reside, including those triggered by your past separation. In other words, meditation moves you away from a dysfunctional, reactive emergency mode (action/reaction/obsession), where beta waves dominate, and into a stable, reparative state (stabilization/repair/intuition), where alpha and theta waves take precedence. This shift allows your brain to function in a more coherent and harmonious way, replacing stress-driven responses with clarity and balance. During meditation, your brain waves become more synchronized, generating simpler, healthier, and more constructive emotional states. This phenomenon is known as neural synchronicity, a process where neurons across different brain regions begin to fire in a coordinated manner, aided by gamma waves. This synchronization fosters relaxation, enhances emotional regulation, and facilitates deep cognitive restructuring. By integrating various brain regions, meditation rebalances the nervous system, redirecting energy that was previously consumed by your brain’s protective, fight-or-flight mechanisms toward its constructive functions—allowing for growth, healing, and long-term transformation.
This is what I wanted to tell you about meditation.
I felt it was important to explain the mechanisms and benefits of meditation to you—just in case you needed a little convincing. I hope this long discussion has encouraged you to give it a try.
If you're wondering how to begin, it's simpler than you might think. Find a quiet place, sit cross-legged with your back straight, hands resting on your knees or gently placed together, and meditate for twenty minutes. You can focus on your breath or simply observe your thoughts as they come and go, without clinging to them.
The key, as with so many things in life, is consistency. Do it every day or every other day. Even if you can only manage three minutes instead of twenty, that’s still something. What matters is showing up—again and again.
Put it into action now.